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Welcome to my Haunted Minds blog, my name is Crystal. I am reaching out to you from Delmar, DE. I have not lived in Delaware my whole life, but I have been here long enough. Maybe too long. LOL I am crazy sometimes, who am I kidding?, I actually mean, alot. Must be the Gemini in me. LOL As you can see I possess a sense of humor. I can be quite funny when I want to be. I can also be a good friend. I have been told by many people that I am a good listener, honest, the realest chick they know, smart but more importantly what I always am is, ME. Whether it's online or in person I will always be the same me and that will never change.

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I grew up in Baltimore, MD. Growing up I was surrounded by alot of negativity. I was the oldest child so of course, I was blamed for pretty much everything and anything my younger sister did. I grew up feeling like my entire family hated me. My mom's side of the family was prejudice. I was judged on a regular basis because I was not raised that way so I was friends with people of other races.  As a child,, my moms parents pretty much called me a whore, stating I would be the first grandchild pregnant.  Who calls a kid a whore?  40 years later, my mom still decides to be  negative towards me, I finally decided I'm done.  I've dealt with it long enough. My birthdady is a very hard day for me.  10 years ago, my father passed away 3 days after my birthday.  When we had just started forming a father & daughter bond.  When a person decides to be as an ignorant as my mother is on that day, that's when I finally decided I' have had enough.  I have always been the outsider when it comes to my family, the outkast. I was the one who just didn't fit in. I never tried to either. I can't say that my family ever really liked anything about me. They didn't like how I dressed, didn't like how I did my hair or the way I did my make-up. I'm not sure if I ever received any kind of positive comments from them until now.  I grew up having a low self esteem and I believed I had to fight for a spot in everyone's life because I felt like that is what I've done my whole life with my own family.  In reality I think they all expected me to be their version of me but in truth, I should be and should have been accepted just the way I am.  I have my flaws, but who doesn't?

My teenager years I started making bad choices. I experimented with drugs, snuck out of the house, skipped school, drank, you name it I probably did it. I would get lectures from everyone in the family. I had already felt like they hated me anyway so I really just didn't care. I felt like me doing the things I did, was getting me the attention that I needed. Then I started with the boyfriend stage. Boy, did I have alot of boyfriends through the years. I never knew what pain really was until I had my heart broken for the first time. To me, that was the worst pain I had ever encountered in my entire life. I can't really say I have had the best choice in men. I've had some abusive relationships, I was cheated on and lied to, and some where we were just better off being friends.

I have always been the kind of person that kept things bottled up inside. My mind would be drowning in memories and thoughts. How my family made me feel. How their negativity impacted me. How men had hurt me physically and emotionally. I really didn't know what was not ok in a relationship, the relationships my parents had with other people were never good ones. Some of them were very violent. Neither of them ever sat us down to discuss relationships or sex. It would of been nice if they had at least set an example of what a relationship is really supposed to be like th enmaybe, just maybe I would of made better choices in men. Not totally blaming my parents for my bad pick of men but, some education on those matters definitely would have been helpful. I never really opened up to anyone to try and talk about any of the emotions I had bottled up inside of me. I felt like I had no one to talk to.  Even when I thought I had all these friends I would try talking to people about stuff but it was just a lost cause really. Most of the people I tried talking to, they wouldn't listen. They would cut me off and turn the conversation to be about them or they would just have short responses because they really just weren't paying attention to a word I was saying. So, I never really got to resolve any of my problems or any of the emotions I was dealing with. The hurt I felt started eating away at me, eventually turning into nothing but anger.  I stayed angry for a very long time.

I became even more angry when people I thought were friends started putting me in some messed up situations. I mean, I kind of put myself there in a way putting others before myself. I just had too much of a good heart that I didn't know how to tell them no, even when I was not a position to even help them. I had helped numerous people and let me tell you when I needed help, none of them people were there for me. None of them. It took me years to open up my eyes and realize the people I thought were my friends were not my friends at all.
All I have wanted in my life is love, but I have always wondered why I felt like I had to fight for it. Eventually I had came to terms with why I was such an angry person. I was in my head so much that it changed me. Not really changed who I was but changed how I was towards people.  Sad part is everyone can remember the bad choices I have made, but nobody can remember all the good thins I've done for people.

I decided to start, Haunted Minds as a personal blog.  I thought hey, this would be a good way for me to get things out that I need to say.  Who know's, maybe someof my videos will cheer someone up, maybe others won't feel so alone, maybe it could help someone else.  You never know how far a small gesture can go.. Being in my head makes me feel as if my thoughts are haunting me. My slogan "RAGE OUT LOUD",, that's basically saying let it out!!!!   I wanted to start a blog and had no idea what I wanted to write about, so the first thought that had occured to me was relationship issues but why just talk about that. There are so many other issues that I, as well as others, face on a daily basis.  Any type of struggle we face doesn't just disappear up in smoke, any and every thing that happens in our lives stays locked up in memory lane.  I can't say that I always handle situations as I should, sometimes my anger gets the best of me. I know I'm not the only one who is faced with problems and feels I have no one to turn to. At least blogging about it helps me to get it out of my system and it may help you too. "RAGE OUT LOUD". I promise you will feel so much better afterwards.  You never know unless you give it a try.